Fun with Sounding Smart

Note to self:
Smart isn’t as much an adjective as it is a verb. If while stumbling over one’s own shoe, one is declaring smart proclamation, one is less likely to get laughed at and more likely to be helped back up.

1. We have no time to waste with this lesson.

2. Let us begin with contractions.
It is safe to assume you are less than smart since you are reading this lesson. It is for this reason that the following words may or may not treat you like an invalid.
Contractions, contrary to what pregnant women are taught, are actually the combining of two or more words to make a new word. Don’t let this frighten you, new words are a natural part of the smart sounding process.
Let us explore some contractions which sound smart when used alone or in accordance with other words. Don’t let the word accordance frighten you.
a. ‘tis
b. ‘twas
c. ‘twill
Let us explore a conversation in which these words make their user sound intelligent. Our friend’s names will be Bob and Roscoe. For obvious reasons, we will assume ‘tis Roscoe who needs smart sounding techniques.

Bob: “sup, dude? That was some show last night huh?”
Roscoe: “ ‘twas.”
Bob: “The hell does ‘twas mean? You think yur smart or sompn? That ain’t a word.”
Roscoe: “ ‘tis so a word.”
Bob: “K, seriously, yur freaking me out. Yur some Shakespeare geek now or something? That ain’t gonna help you with the ladies.
Roscoe: “Trust me, ‘twill.”

Note how Bob complimented his friend by using the words ‘smart’, ‘Shakespeare’, and ‘ladies’. Note the difference in our characters outfits. Bob is sloppy, clad in too-large carpenter shorts and sports a soft drink while Roscoe in his humble argyle sweater only drinks flavored water. Smart? I should say so.
These are not the only contractions which give depth to sentence structure. Practice creating your own. ‘tisn’t as difficult as it may or mayn’t seem.

3. Let us move on to ‘House of’.
What does ‘house of’ mean? Let’s explore it.
House: Structure built of straw, sticks, or brick which contains things of a personal nature. Let’s shorten it to ‘personal’.
Of: Connecting word, often associated with belongings or feelings. Here we’ll focus on the word ‘feelings’.
And so we see that ‘house of’ means ‘personal feelings’. It is important to learn to properly communicate feelings as a part of sounding smart. When one is blubbering about one’s hurt feelings, the rest of us think one is dull and out of balance. Whereas, if that same one strongly stated aloud, “House of distress!” the rest of us gain immediate understanding and appreciation that this person knows what he or she wants and communicates accordingly. This is a little known technique which may or may not be highly effective. Below is a list of ‘houses’. Feel free to add your own ideas in the spaces provided.
1. House of fuming!
2. House of gnashing my teeth!
3. House of hilarity!
4. House of on cloud nine!
5. House of morbidly depressed.
6. House of rebellion!
7. House of hot and bothered!
8. _________________________________________________________
9. _________________________________________________________
10. _________________________________________________________

Take note of when an exclamation should be used.

4. Stating Statements and Declaring Declarations.
It is okay and even recommended that the words ‘statement’ and ‘declaration’ are used daily, even hourly, even minutely.
“Will you do this one special thing for me?” sounds much less intelligent than, “I declare, will you do this one special thing for me?” Also try adding the above noted exclamation, “I declare! Will you do this one special thing for me?!”

5. Redundancies.
Words are powerful, especially in clusters of sameness and alikeness. Let me demonstrate. The italicized words should be your main focus: plus and also also and then. The words plus, also, and then, form a cluster. Now repeat the sentence aloud. Note how educated you sound. This concept alone will leave people flabbergasted. They may or may not know how to respond. You might use this particular sentence like this “I’m going to the market plus and also also and then I’ll be stopping by the video store. ‘twon’t take long.” – You’re practically ready for Harvard at this point.

6. Write an essay.
Scientists may or may not believe that writing enhances speaking. And so this very and only number six is an assignment to write an essay using what you’ve learned here and read it aloud to a very important group of people – say, you’re college writing 101 class. Take the time to make it extra special, wow them.