Fun with Fingers

Finger Fun

“Fingers are primarily responsible for most eye pokes that happen as the result of a finger.”
- author unknown

The origin of fingers:
The finger was first discovered in 1872, when British scholar Noble Fingerman first put his finger on the fact that the appendages extending from his hands had a mind of their own. Also known as Phalanges, these multi-taskers had Mr. Fingerman shocked and amazed at how easily trainable they were. With brief counseling, and a little exercise, Noble taught his fingers to work for him, rather than against him.
Let’s explore the works of this little known man.

Fact: “Accidental” finger intrusions are not ever accidental at all. They happen because the finger is curious, anxious, or angry. Therefore, introducing your finger to various places and people with stop random poking instances, (or at least decrease them).

For the following exercises, you will need to determine which is your favorite finger. You needn’t state it aloud thus making the other nine jealous. Decide quietly. We will refer to this finger as Captain Comancho for the rest of its life.

Introductions
1. Get Captain Comancho used to different people and surroundings over the next several days. In order to do this successfully you must:
a. Allow the captain to explore at will. If he wants to know what it’s like inside your neighbor’s ear, show him.
b. Give him stern, but fair, instructions. Such as, “No Captain Comancho, you cannot explore the cavernous dark of my nostrils while I am paying the lovely cashier. Wait until we’re alone in the car.”
c. Always make your wishes known. The louder you speak to your finger, the better he, and others around you, will understand.
2. Force Captain Comancho to do things that might embarrass him. Though this is not always the best method of teaching, scientists have proven that in this instance it may or may not be the only solution to rid your finger of anxiety.
a. Submerge the captain’s head into the drink of the man standing next to you at the gas station fountain drink dispenser. Make sure that the man is equal to or smaller than your current build.
b. While standing in line for movie tickets, entangle Captain Comancho in the hair of the woman in front of you. Assure him that you’ll remove him once he calms down.
c. Smell the finger in public. Inform him that he needs a shower. Don’t let him hide from sight during your scolding.

You needn’t repeat the previous procedures for each finger. The others will watch and understand.

Finger Gestures
1. Practice forming your fingers in different ways. Put some down, leave some up. Cross them, bend them, lop them. Whatever you feel.
2. This exercise is quite simple and can be done from a sitting position.
3. Explore until you find your favorite gesture, preferably something no one has seen before, something that will stun them. Memorize it. Know it well enough to whip it up at a moments notice.
4. The next time someone is deserving, show them your gesture. Say to the person, “Do you see this? This is happening.” That’ll show ‘em.
5. This activity may or may not be laid back in the end.
Note of Interest: Captain Comancho may want to build strength as a means of protecting himself and the other nine from sudden and unexpected attacks due to provocation. Lead him in the physical strength building on the next page in order to ready him for what may or may not lie ahead.
Finger Strength Training
1. Can lift: In the grocery story, pick up a large can of spaghetti sauce using only Captain Comancho – he’ll never bulk up if his friends do everything for him.
2. Door open: Open every and all doors using only the captain. This may seen easy until you reach one of those doors with the thumb press thingy.
3. Push ups: Do 10 push ups with no other support than what Captain Comancho can offer. If he’s having a hard time, yell at him like a proper personal trainer would.
4. Fine Dining: go to a fancy restaurant and lift your spoon with only Captain Comancho. The pressure of those around watching will teach him grace and poise.